Monday, January 24, 2005

In a word...eep...

Its all gone up, big style. I dont mean 'big' big. This isnt "I'd like my meal supersized" big. Oh no. Much bigger. When your girlfriends mum finds out that you've been sleeping together without her even knowing it always does go up in an Oppenheimer 'Destroyer of worlds' kinda way. Especially if she's a bitch. And oooh, she is...Big Bitch...

To say i'm not welcome at News Lane anymore is a bit of an understatement. I'd probably be sniped if i stood so much as at the end of it. Which, if i were a Dad, i could understand. Nevertheless, its a #### scary thought. I think the post before this had been up for far too long to impose anything new so i was planning on having something decent up by tonight anyway, but when my mum rang me to say that our parents had been talking and she wasnt coming to dinner tonight...you just HAD to know something was up.

Despite my own run-ins with self-harm, i know it was only always a cry for help, in one way or another. With Emma, i think it might be different. I've asked her to call someone, the Samaritans, namely. But she's not having any of it. I can't give her the emotional support she needs, I have my own rocks to carry, unfortunately. The feeling of uselessness in a situation which you should be able to help in is one that is ever present at the front of your mind. Poking you with a very sharp stick. So much on my mind at the moment, i'm wondering what to do about anything. Are me and Emma really right for each other? Do we have a genuine future together or are we grasping at fairytale storylines? Am I too young (16) to be in such a serious relationship with someone contemplating suicide? WTF?

This and many more questions faced me today. Unfortunatly, not one i can answer.

These are my worries, thank someone for technology allowing me to share them. Thank anybody for taking a few seconds to read them.

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