Friday, April 08, 2005

Bit of an update...of sorts

In 10 days time i'll have been with Emma through a chaotic, emotional but unforgettable 18 months. I guess we won't know what the future holds until we get there but at least we can deal with whats happening now.
Some pretty big things have happened in the past 6 months and now that they are gone and done with, i seem to have become apathetic about other less important things (even though they ahead my agenda now (ie. exams)). I would give anything to never have to worry that much ever again but now its gone things seem so lax that i know i should be studying etc but really cant be arsed.
Anyway, feeling like playing an ARG (alternate reality game) on some guys in college. Think a murder mystery but they dont know its fake. Or they could do, not sure yet. Probably latter.


Sunday, March 20, 2005


Dear Sir or Madam,

It has come to the attention of the modern world that the internet is a versatile but dangerous tool to use and the RIAA is doing its best to keep it so that the artists who produce the music we love are paid dutifully. Musicians work long minutes to create the songs we put onto our MP3 players from CD collections or illegally download from peer 2 peer networks.

Of course the latter is morally wrong isn't it? And the former can only be attributed with Satan himself who fills the internet with propaganda promoting people to pirate CDs and download the latest version of Kazaa or iMesh.

But i digress, the real topic i wish to communicate is the one that the RIAA are wallet-raping money-####### who want my hard earned cash to pump into needlessly expensive corporate meetings and back into the pockets of multi-millionaire artists who obviously need the extra pocket change. Banning iPods? Video recorders? MP3 players? What next,the internet? Computers? Breathing? To me the whole idea of trying to control something like the internet is similar to trying to restrain a rabid dog with dental floss. And the way you managed to sue a 9-year old girl? Real big of you there, we know who has the balls in that industry.

Lets see how far we can take this shall we? Peer2peer networking is illegal (wrong) because it infringes copywrite laws (wrong again)making piracy easier. iPods are also in hand of this due to the fact they promote downloading tracks illegally (heard of iTunes lately?) along with all forms of recording technology (not my betamax surely!).Because of this the RIAA is compelled to exclusively and individually sue everyone who has ever used peer2peer networking for downloadingsongs. Of course, this is going to detract from the income of artists who are earning millions from songs that they performed once and then made copies of using OH, WHATS THIS, RECORDING EQUIPMENT! God BlessAmerica My British Arse.

And so i salute you, RIAA, for having the surgically enhancedcorporate balls to go ahead and try to even dent something as free andliberated as the internet.The internet was born of freedom and the ability to access anythingand everything. So go ahead RIAA, sue me, sue me you big corporate motherfuckers!

Sincerley yours,

John "Sue me!" Doe


Loved the Induce Act by the way, i look forward to rectally violating you with it when Congress rejects it in a few months time!

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Of Snakes, Shagohods, Shalashaska and SPOILERS

Sorry for not updating in a while...god knows who i'm apologising to. Myself? Cause i kinda promised myself that i would keep this blog regular, well at least i'm making the effort and not ditching it, at least not yet.
Guess i was kinda inspired to write this blog by a awesome game, and a game that anybody who in their right mind would play if they'd already played the first two.

That game is Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater.

The sheer spectacle of the dream of Hideo Kojima completely makes up for the mediocre second installment, returning to the awe-inducing, jaw dropping and pulse racing formula of the first that made it so popular. I call myself a gamer, although not really a ######## one. But this is the first game that has kept me up till 2am on two occasions simply because i couldnt tear myself away from the screen and the controller.

Kudos Hideo, another job well done. I'm currently listening to the Asian Kung-Fu Generation's Haruka Kanata and getting rather riled at their unavilabiluity outside of Asia. they're a fore-running Japanese punk band who deserve any attention they get. Thanks for their attention goes to Naruto, who used said song as an intro.

I think i've ranted enough tonight. Peace or whatever...

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Feeling distinctly average

For a good while when i was young, my parents used to preach about me being whatever i wanted to be and doing whatever i wanted to do. I guess things chnage more so than i could have thought. They built me up to this image of pure choice of my own future, before it became apparent to me that amongst my peers i'm nothing more than a middle man of marks.

We've just come out of a meeting for people thinking about university and Oxford/Cambridge in particular, it was all sounding good before the lecturer pointed out that based on GCSE scores, they might consider someone with only 2 A*s (I got 8 As and 4 Bs). Of course, if someone with less than that aced their AS-Level exams then 'of course' they'd be in with a fighting chance, but as i'm on course for nothing more than Cs and at a push, one or two Bs. Well it leaves nothing to be said.

So i'm left feeling deflated and a little more than misled. At least i had a night to enjoy myself before this mornings self-depreciation. New Found Glory rocked the academy hard and i still have tinnitus, not that i'm complaining. Emma did though, for which i can only be responsible.

I guess i've fallen back into that question, why do we even try?

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Obsession (not some daft fragrance)

We're all obsessed with something or other in our lives at any one point. I'm obsessed with manga, anime and anything remotely Japanese. My girlfriend is obsessed with jewellery, making clothes and me. But obsession can be healthy, it allows us to escape the mundane and return to some sence of normalcy. I say lets get obsessed, and who cares what in!

Monday, January 24, 2005

In a word...eep...

Its all gone up, big style. I dont mean 'big' big. This isnt "I'd like my meal supersized" big. Oh no. Much bigger. When your girlfriends mum finds out that you've been sleeping together without her even knowing it always does go up in an Oppenheimer 'Destroyer of worlds' kinda way. Especially if she's a bitch. And oooh, she is...Big Bitch...

To say i'm not welcome at News Lane anymore is a bit of an understatement. I'd probably be sniped if i stood so much as at the end of it. Which, if i were a Dad, i could understand. Nevertheless, its a #### scary thought. I think the post before this had been up for far too long to impose anything new so i was planning on having something decent up by tonight anyway, but when my mum rang me to say that our parents had been talking and she wasnt coming to dinner just HAD to know something was up.

Despite my own run-ins with self-harm, i know it was only always a cry for help, in one way or another. With Emma, i think it might be different. I've asked her to call someone, the Samaritans, namely. But she's not having any of it. I can't give her the emotional support she needs, I have my own rocks to carry, unfortunately. The feeling of uselessness in a situation which you should be able to help in is one that is ever present at the front of your mind. Poking you with a very sharp stick. So much on my mind at the moment, i'm wondering what to do about anything. Are me and Emma really right for each other? Do we have a genuine future together or are we grasping at fairytale storylines? Am I too young (16) to be in such a serious relationship with someone contemplating suicide? WTF?

This and many more questions faced me today. Unfortunatly, not one i can answer.

These are my worries, thank someone for technology allowing me to share them. Thank anybody for taking a few seconds to read them.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Pent up tension of the 'oh-so-angsty' kind...

I'm sick to the back teeth of everything. Absolutely everything. Everything i'm put through, everything that i have to do to keep everyone else happy, everyone that i'm supposed to keep happy and so much more. Why the hell is life laid out for us to be so stencilled in, the same as the last, a never ending chain of production for the future of mankind. I'm sick of it, mankind can rot for all i care, but not before me.

I hate the way that people expect to have things said to them, done to them and given to them simply because its what they've come to expect and what they think they deserve, how do you deserve anything in this life? How do you qualify for material things? Is there some ####### league somewhere i havn't seen about what hardships we've got to go through just to be allowed to rant once in a while?

How can we be held morally responsible for our actions when they are all pre-determined as is the future of the very universe we live in? What is the meaning of us being here, and more to the point, why the hell should we stay here? Who are we? Are we souls with conciences that can honestly prove to have our own choices and self-determined futures or are we just a series of pre-determined chemical reactions that have an effect on supremely complicated chemical body that effect the world around it?

Why do we persist with our intensely stressfull and meaningless lives? Its plain for all that we're going no-where and yet we seem destined for the promotion of our own genetic material to as many offspring and to give them the best lives possible.

And through all this verbal garbage there looms one truth, one constant for every 'human' on the planet.


We will all die, no matter what, and so any and all human endevour is utterly, utterly pointless.

Why do we bother eh?